Bleeding green (for a day)

Wins, contradictions and agency

Feb 12, 2025

Maaaaan, what a game and also, what was that! We were on our way to a friend’s house for his Super Bowl party when we passed a small park in our South Philly neighborhood where a group of people had a big screen out watching the game. The score was 7-0 then. By the time we got to my friend’s place in West Philly, the score was around 20-0, Eagles leading, before half-time. I had a hard time understanding how the Eagles were dominating the Chiefs like that. Finally settling in to watch the game, it seemed that the Chiefs were just not together, and as a couple of friends noted, they were probably so used to winning that they weren’t hungry any more. This iteration of the Eagles came to work and work hard.

I’m not a die-hard, watching every game during the season fan. I’ve never been able to just sit for hours watching games. I remember having buddies who where devoted football and basketball fans when I was a teenager and into my 20’s. All I could think about was what else I could be doing during that time, like making art. I’m just not wired to give over much time to watching team sports. On the other hand, I’ll spend time watching tennis matches, but this is critical: only if one happens to be on when I’m already watching tv. I’ll also watch summer and winter olympics coverage, cycling (the Tour de France, especially). Don’t ask me what any of this means, I’m just weird this way.

With all of the problems that the NFL has, having your home team win the biggest game of the year feels good, for a little while, at least. Trying to return home after the game was a bit of a challenge, as we knew would happen. Waiting a couple of hours afterwards was not the answer, as we found out. I was happy to see people having a good time, but I also just wanted to get home. It took us an extra hour, but we found a fast way to get past all of the blocked streets.

Thinking back, the Eagles win and Kendrick Lamar’s culturally deep and symbolic half-time show pointing the finger at America’s contradictions left me feeling pretty good all around, for a minute. As soon as the game was over, I was back to thinking about the real world issues myself and a whole lot of other people are facing with the take-over of our government by a group of people who do not care whether any of us die or not. Whose philosophy is take away everything that makes life better for people and they don’t have any plan to actually contribute to the real well-being of anyone, aside from making themselves and their friends even richer off of the backs of everyday Americans.

There are a lot of us who like to downplay sports and entertainment as nothing more than distractions, and they can be, if you let them. We all need something to soften the jagged edges of life, especially in times like now. What that looks like for everyone is different. The scolds of the world who have a purity test for everyone and everything in existence are no better than the wanna-be dictators and kings we have to contend with. Life is full to the brim with contradictions, so let’s enjoy what we can and work on the problems at the same time. It’s possible.

“I woke up and chose love”

I’ve seen this written on a couple of public utility boxes on my walks and it’s left me thinking, as a lot of things I see in the streets do. What an affirmation. It speaks to exercising personal agency in how we greet the day on one end of the spectrum, as well as how we deal with adversity on the other. Regardless of how I’m feeling inside, I always start the day with gratitude. Sometimes, it’s as simple as, “I’m thankful for being able to wake up and open my eyes” The smallest acknowledgement of what you have and can do can set the tone for everything else in the day.

It’s not always easy. Last week I had a terrible time with connections on public transportation for some reason. I *just* missed a bus by seconds because I took too. long leaving the house. The next one was coming in another 12 minutes, but it was too cold to be standing in one spot for me, so I started walking along the route. I hate standing outside in one spot too long if I don’t have to.

That day, I was really pissed at having missed the bus at such a short distance. I got hold of myself and turned that annoyance around to “Well, at least I get to walk for a while”, meaning that I’m able to walk in the first place. In moments like that, I also think about the possibility of getting to photograph something that I might not have otherwise noticed or any number of other positive things that could happen, all because I chose to walk and be glad about it.

This doesn’t always work. Some grievances and negative feelings need much more time to process. The thing that makes it a bit easier is understanding that we do have agency over our reactions than we think we do.

The wall

studio wall of art postcards & announcements, right wall of studio entrance

In a lot of artist’s studios, there is some version of “the wall”. It’s a place where we might have photos or other imagery of artwork or whatever we want to have up that resonates with us as both artists and everyday art lovers. Sometimes, it’s for inspiration or we just like whatever the image is.

Years ago, when I had one of my first studios, a second room that I rented in the house I lived in with a few other people, roommate-style. We were in West Philly, which is comprised of a lot of big, Victorian era houses that were converted into shared spaces for college students who went to U. Penn, Drexel U. and Temple U. Anyway, this was the early ‘90s and I had returned to school to pursue a BA in Art. One of the rooms on my floor opened up and I grabbed it because I needed a space beyond my bedroom to make art and a second room was still within my means.

One of the first things I did was to start putting up exhibition postcards and small posters of artwork by some of my art heroes at the time, both contemporary and older. Those postcards were like gold to me because I was visiting exhibitions a lot, seeing some of my favorite artworks and wanted to be reminded of that excitement and energy I felt. Having those images on the wall as I was making my way on my own creative journey was crucial. They reminded me that in some small way, even as a student, I was in conversation with human creative lineages that went back thousands of years.

There was a time when every year I’d buy a wall calendar that had a favorite artist’s work throughout. When I started liking more contemporary art in addition to old masters and early modernist art, I had to look further afield to find calendars I wasn’t going to be bored with. Usually, this meant going beyond the local bookstore and getting a calendar from a museum like MoMa. I still have some of those calendars stored somewhere.

At some point, my reasoning for having exhibition postcards up on the wall changed. I think that happened a few years after I’d graduated. I went from looking to those images for inspiration to seeing them more as work I admired, as well as for the overall graphic design. I think the meaning for me shifted as I continued on my own creative path. The more art I made and the more expansive my experiences became, the less I had a need for “inspiration”. Making more of my own work and having more life experiences became all of the fuel I needed. There wasn’t a need to look outward so much. What didn’t change was my admiration (or lack thereof, depending on my moods)for the work that other artists made. I relish the thought of encountering and engaging with art in person whenever I can. I don’t need it in the same way as I did when I was a student.

Interstellar glitch

Interstellar in glitch mode (photos: Tim McFarlane)

I was channel surfing the other night after my shower and journal writing, just looking for something to watch before falling asleep. Interstellar was streaming on Showtime or something and the signal was not holding up, causing the movie to be stuck in a very slowly advancing glitch mode. It getting towards the end of the movie, which seemed oddly appropriate considering the film’s theoretical science around wormholes, light, time and black holes. I like the movie, but I was much more interested in what was happening on screen with all of the glitchy goodness that was caressing my eyeballs in those few moments. More about Interstellar here.