The Unknowable Future
and leaving tomorrow to be discovered
This painting almost didn’t almost didn’t make it into the collection of the Pennsylvania Academy of The Fine Arts in the fall of 2021 to become my first museum acquisition. Why? Well, to answer that, I have to put my hand on your shoulder, spark up my time-traveling powers and whisk us both back to the summer of 2021.
*Bad imitation Dr Who-ish music plays as we tumble back three years…*
Ok, so here we are. It’s June, 2021 and we’re in the northern part of Philly’s Chinatown at the corner of 7th and Willow Sts, next to a multi-story former warehouse that now serves as home to recording and visual artists, photographers and others.
The reasons we’re here are two-fold:
I’m working on my first public mural at 10th and Callowhill Sts.
I’m also working on large paintings for my solo show, “Walk Sign Is On”, taking place at the Bridgette Mayer Gallery in September-October, 2021. I’m using a temporary studio in the building mentioned above that’s three blocks east of where the mural is being painted. Thank goodness the stars aligned with this because it makes having to juggle these two projects much easier than it would have been if logistics were different. The reason for the temporary studio in the first place is because my main studio at the time is my two-bedroom apartment in South Philly and there’s just not enough room for everything.
So, through the summer I’m going back and forth between South Philly to Chinatown making art and I’m feeling pretty good about how things are going. It’s kind of a dream come true, working on two big projects like this at once. It’s a little daunting at times, because I’m a team of one working on all of this, but I’m used to it and plan accordingly.
In the temporary studio, I’m working on five paintings, moving back and forth between them and steadily getting things completed as my deadline looms. At some point, I start work on what will become Untethered Variance. Titles are always the last things I think about with paintings. Going into a painting without a definitive title leaves a wide swath of freedom for the work to become what it needs to be. Imposing a title beforehand puts expectations on it and myself that I find hard to deal with.
Anyway, because I’m working on several things at once, I’m usually bouncing ideas from one to the other. For example, the two pieces I began before this one had looser compositional structures to them and I thought it might be interesting to go with what I consider a more rigorous structure of lines and grids undergirding the whole thing. So, that’s what I set out with here, as can be seen in the process photos above. The one problem I made up for myself was that even though the grids and geometric shapes were the prominent structures, they had to somehow feel like they were simultaneously unmoored in the space of the painting. I also didn’t want everything to be hard-edged, so I included some of the glyphs and more organic marks here and there.
Now, we’re getting to the juicy and anxiety-laden part, where everything almost unravelled. In the evolution of a painting or other piece of art, there’s a point or several where I can feel anything from confusion and doubt to dropping f-bombs at length to even more doubt about my life choices.
Looking back, I reached that point about 80% of the way in with this one. I’m not going to say exactly what it was that almost caused me to repaint this entire work because that was my battle and you don’t need me influencing what you think about this work, whether that’s good or bad. I’ll say that I made some choices that had to be dealt with because delivery of the paintings was coming up fast. I was on a time crunch and was forced to let this painting sit while I pursued finishing up a couple of others.
I let Untethered Variance sit facing the wall (to keep it from getting paint on it while I was working on the others) and spend a good 15-20 minutes looking at it and thinking. I had my struggles with the other paintings, but not like this one. Anyway, I wound up having a trusted artist friend over for a studio visit and asked him what he thought. I told him what had been going on and he took his time looking at it and thought it worked. By this time, it had been almost ten days since I stopped working on it and our conversation helped me see some things about my perspective on the painting that helped a lot. I got over myself and let it remain in it’s final state as you see it here.
Things go well with the show. So well that I’m able sell a few paintings and am able to pay bills for a few months afterwards. One of those pieces that sells is Untethered Variance and it’s purchased and given as a gift for the collection of PAFA near the end of the exhibition. Art life bucket list goal checked off!
Now, there’s no way of knowing what could have happened if I’d painted over this piece because of my own initial visceral reaction to some aesthetic choices I’d made. Maybe I would’ve made a painting that I liked and was seen as good enough to wind up in the collection or maybe not. I don’t think about “what ifs” like that because they can be a waste of time and energy.
I do what I can to make the best work possible at the moment. That’s about it and that’s all anyone can do. As long as you’re creating from the heart and being as honest as possible with yourself and believe in what you’re doing, it’s all a win. Everything else, including selling work and getting recognition, is like adding a cherry or two on top.
Also, once you make the work, there are so many things about it’s future that are out of your control. I made the work, but it took other people talking about it to other people that made it’s journey to the collection possible. I didn’t even know it was under consideration until I heard the news after it had been purchased.
In the summer of 2022, Untethered Variance was included in a group exhibition at PAFA called, “Negotiating Grids”, curated by Juan Omar Rodriguez. The show also included works by: Nina Chanel Abney, Jim Campbell, Timothy Curtis, Louise Fishman, Arghavan Khosravi, Isaac Tin Wei Lin and John Preus.
I’m proud to have one of my hometown institutions have a work of mine in its permanent collection. I have to say, though, I don’t think about it much. I only thought about it now because I felt like I had a good story to tell about happenstance and how one never truly knows what’s going to happen. Nothing can prepare us for the randomness of life. I stand on the idea that there is no plan for any of this and we’re completely winging it as we wind our way through life.
Beyond that, I don’t think about it unless I’m reminded when I have to update my cv. I have no way of knowing whether the singular fact of having my work in PAFA’s collection has changed anything for me. I has made me feel that I’m not entirely shouting into the void regarding recognition of my work, but I’ve also never relied on such things to fuel my art making. I’ve been doing this for a long time and went many years without before this happened. Making art is at the core of my being and there’s nothing external that’s going to alter how I engage with it. If I didn’t have this recognition and didn’t have gallery support behind me, I’d still be making art because I have to.
Here’s some of what I listened and danced to while I worked this week:
Thanks for reading and I truly hope that you find or do something that brings you happiness this weekend!
TM
Tim this painting is beautiful and I'm glad you didn't paint over it.
Every once in a while I'll ask my husband or kids what they think of my paintings but that's it - just me being curious and nothing serious, of course. If I run into an issue with the direction of a piece (bc I've had many of them) I do exactly what you did - put it away for a few days while I decide what to do next. Eventually I come back to it and finish it.
Thanks for sharing and congrats on having your work permanent at PAFA.♥️
I love the expressive lines. Bold and powerful. 💚